god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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