Kiss
Puke
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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