I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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