we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
