i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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