I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
