she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
