I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Can Purell be used as lube?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
