Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
