you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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