I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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