you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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