mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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