Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
