Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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