margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
