she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
