Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
