but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The ass gains better be worth it
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