bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
