you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
