I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
