Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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