When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
