I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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