covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
