Don't you send me to vm
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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