I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
