saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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