Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
