...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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