youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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