i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
