is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
