Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
