Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
