Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize