Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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