Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
