wanna go halves on a baby?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
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Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why is there bacon in the couch?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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