we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
