I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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