I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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