just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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