Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
