so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize