Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
