The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
