And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
