im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
