I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
