Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
