I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize