I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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