He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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