May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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