Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
