I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
