A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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