life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need a beard to bite.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
