I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
