it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
