spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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