I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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